Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am one with the molecules
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
