I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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