I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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