fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
