just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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