so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
