he puts the penis in happiness.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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