Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
