my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
