my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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