On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
