he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
