I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
