Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
