literally had 100 drinks last night.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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