It's Friday. Sex?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
