Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
