Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
