I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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