Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Randomize
