Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
