you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
