If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Buhtt sex?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
