i think my tv is drunk
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
