So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
