I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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