Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
