how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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