just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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