as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize