Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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