When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
