He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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