I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
