I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
