He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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