I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
