Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
the liver wants what the liver wants
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
