i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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