***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize
