trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
