Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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