ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
