actually, I'm a sock model
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
