I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
