Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
