i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
