I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
