I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
