You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
