Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This is classic penis vs brain.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
