So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i permit you to call me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
