why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
