I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
