After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
