If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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