I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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