have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
