remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
