i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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