the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
