Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
this just has baby written all over it
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
