I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
