He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
