The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
